The Bond Breakfast

The Bond Breakfast - The Only Way To Start The Day

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The Bond Breakfast 007% Fat

The Bond Breakfast

During the 60's and 70's we grew up with James Bond and what better way to celebrate the greatest spy of all time than to honor a breakfast after him. To be able to do all those death defying stunts then fuck all those whores then kill some bad ass motherfucker he would have had to have something to start the day off.

Before you can proform any task you need to fuel up at the start of the day with a DLG-licious breakfast. There is a vast variety of ingredients and everyone has a job to do after is has been consumed.

Bacon, eggs, sausages, toast, beans and more can be washed down with coffee, tea or juice. If you start the day of right you will be guaranteed a foolish day!

Let's take a look at what "The Bond Breakfast" consists of :

Sean Connery Bacon

Sean Connery Bacon

Sean Connery Bacon

Kickin' off we got the first and greatest Bond of all, SEAN CONNERY with his own brand of BACON. This is of course Scottish Bacon from the Highlands of Scotland which is situated somewhere in England. Made from flying pigs (This is how they reach the Highlands) for a better taste.

Sean starred as the first Bond in the 1962 movie Dr.No with that hot piece of ass Ursula Andress as Honey Ryder. I bet we all jerked off over that scene. Joseph Wiseman was the villain but who gives a fuck! A friend of mine stared in a porno version called "Non Dr.No" More about that later.

Goldfinger Hash Browns

Goldfinger Hash Browns

Goldfinger Hash Browns

1964 saw Sean return in the 3rd Bond movie GOLDFINGER and we dedicate the first of the Bond Breakfast villains to HASH BROWNS. A light golden and crispy potato accompaniment to make a breakfast worth eating.

The movie had some great characters such as Honor Blackman as Pussy Galore, Shirley Eaton as Jill Masterson (the girl who is painted gold), Gert Frobe as the villain, Auric Goldfinger, and Harold Sakata as the henchman Odd (Hand) Job.

This was the first of many Bond movies to feature the Bond Gadgets that went on to be so popular in all the Bond movies. An Aston Martin DB5 with ejaculation seat and machine-gun tail-lights was one of the stars of this particular Bond movie.

Let's just rewind a bit and marvel at probably the best Bond bitch of all time - PUSSY GALORE - the bitch that put bitchin' in to the Bond movies.

Another movie that was also made in to a porno!

George Lazenbeans

George Lazenbeans

George Lazenbeans

The second Bond was some jive turkey austrailian-fuck who didn' have a clue as he quit after one movie after being advised by some cocksucking agent. We dedicate BEANS to GEORGE LAZENBY because he is a hopeless wet fart of an man for taking such shitty advice from some asshole. He could have made a decent Bond or maybe I'm talkin' bullshit! Fuck it!

George played Bond in the 1969 movie On Her Majesty's Secret Service and Diana Rigg played Tracy Di Vincenzo (The only Mrs. James Bond!) Bald fucker Telly Savalas (Kojak) starred as the villain, Ernst Stavro Blofeld. This movie also starred a piece of upper-class hot english ass Joanna Lumley.

The following year one of the breathrin starred as Bond in a porno version entitled "On Her Majesty's Secret Cervix" A bitchin' movie!

Roger Moore Eggs

Roger Moore Eggs

Roger Moore Eggs

The third Bond was that smarmy, limey motherfucker Roger Moore, who also played Simon Templar (The Saint). He took over from Seans second stint as Bond in the 1973 movie Live And Let Die with Jane Seymour as Solitaire and Clifton James as the annoying fat honky cocksucker Sheriff J.W. (mit pfeffer) Pepper.

ROGER MOORE gets the honor of EGGS for his chicken fuckin' humor in the movies he played Bond.

Hands up if you would like to smash a fuckin' egg in Rogers fuckin' eye. Would he think this as funny? Who gives a rats fuck just do it anyways. Hey Roger! You got egg on ya fuckin' chin and chicken shit onya cock!

I'm havin' an unjustly rant at Roger just to pass some time but he wasn't a bad Bond, we'll get to that fucker soon!

Scaramanga Sausages

Scaramanga Sausages

Scaramanga Sausages

In 1974 the 9th Bond movie was released again starring Roger Moore as James Bond with Britt Ekland as Mary Goodnight, Maud Adams as Andrea Anders, and Christopher Lee as the villain, Scaramanga.

This is the second villain to be part of the Bond Breakfast. We dedicate SAUSAGES to CHRISTOPHER LEE and SCARAMANGA. He had 3 nipples!

Some jive turkey who wrote the script needed to get their ass kicked for not makin' one of the Bond Bitches have this third nipple, Dumb Motherfuckers!

Small miget dwarf fuck Herve Villechaize (aka Tattoo from "Fantasy Island") auditioned as Scaramangas third nipple but had to settle for the part of his highly intelectual 6 month old baby.

Shortly after the release of the 9th Bond I was asked to star in the porno version called "The Man With The Golden Cock" but unfortunatly it was takin' to long for the whores to make my love gun shoot so they got some limp dick motherfucker instead.

The Jaws Loaf

The Jaws Loaf

The Jaws Loaf

1979 sees another Bond villain, well, not so villain but adversary. Moonraker saw the appearance of RICHARD KIEL as JAWS and we dedicate BREAD to this giant metal tooth fucker.

The Jaws Loaf is the only bread used to make toast for The Bond Breakfast and you sure can get ya teeth in to this loaf.

Moonraker was the 11th Bond movie but the 11th Bond film was originally going to be For Your Eyes Only, but Moonraker was moved up to tie in with the new Space Shuttle program, as well as the Star Wars craze.

Again we see Roger and his eggs appearing as Bond in this movie. Lois Chiles was Bond bitch Holly Goodhead and Michel Lonsdale as the villain, Drax, who later went on to design some sportsware as he was a shit actor.

Octopussy Juice

Octopussy Juice

Octopussy Juice

I don't like to talk about the 80s but Bond still ruled so in 1983 we get the first woman to appear in the Bond Breakfast section paving the way for a few more later, lady!

OCTOPUSSY played by Maud Adams in her second Bond movie gets the privalige of having the JUICE dedicated to her. If you haven't tried Octopussy Juice then you don't know what ya missin'. A blend of 8 different fruit juices to help wash down your Bond Breakfast.

Roger Moore was cast as Bond but no other fucker was famous enough to get a mention in this fucking section.

One thing worth mentioning is that Sean Connery returned as James Bond in the unofficial Bond movie Never Say Never Again in the same year!

That's the fuckin' truth, man!

Grace Jones Black Pudding

Grace Jones Black Pudding

Grace Jones Black Pudding

Following Octopussy we finally say fuck off to Roger in his last Bond movie - A View To A Kill. We started to see some good motherfuckin' famous actors appearing in Bond and this one had them all lined up to take a crack at aging Roger, not before fuckin' time!

Tanya Roberts starred as Stacey Sutton and Christopher Walken as the villain, Max Zorin. Grace Jones played henchwoman May Day and other stars included Fiona Fullerton, Patrick Macnee, Alison Doody and Dolph Lundgren.

So who do we dedicate BLACK PUDDING after? Well, GRACE JONES of course. Now for all you motherfuckers that think this is a racist thing just remember who the fuck I am. Leroy Erogenous Zones Jones, that's who the fuck I am so if you think am honky then fuck you!

We picked Grace because we thought that the black pudding looked like Grace's cock and not because of her negro skin and white bones. We will be discussing some racist issues later on in the site.

Fact - It was rumoured that David Bowie was going to play Max Zorin but the fucker was too fucked up on crack or some other junk. This movie has often be voted the worst Bond film ever.

Timothy Dalton English Plum Tomatoes

Timothy Dalton English Plum Tomatoes

Timothy Dalton English Plum Tomatoes

The end of the fuckin' 80s was approachin' and not before fucking time. 1987 saw a new Bond in the shape of TIMOTHY DALTON so we dedicated the TOMATOES to Tim as no-one really cares about them, they are just there and usually left to soak in bean juice much like Timothy himself.

Tim starred in the movie The Living Daylights with no-one else of great importance, not one of the most thrilling Bond movies due to Tims lack of Bond humor and bedroom qualities.

Two years later Tim played Bond again for the last time in Licence To Kill which really gave him a licence to kill his career with another week plot and shit co-stars. Good riddence to the 80s - the worst decade so far and worst Bond too!

After this movie there was not to be another Bond movie for 6 years due to litigation, whatever the fuck that means. If litigation means to let the public forget about the last two Bond movies then yeah, too mutherfucking right.

Pierce Brosnan Button Mushrooms

Pierce Brosnan Button Mushrooms

Pierce Brosnan Button Mushrooms

1995 and Bond is back suited and booted with Irish stud muffin PIERCE BROSNAN who found fame as Remmington Steel (So good he bought the company). We dedicate MUSHROOMS to our second favorite Bond because he is wild and get the ladies high. Respect to any man who can do that!

Being the first irish Bond, Pierce was given a Licence To Kill Kenny and any other fuck that got in his way. He had a good sense of humor and a cock to match and made Goldeneye a great comeback for Bond.

A remake of Goldeneye was made in to a porno entitled BrownEye, this was a good movie so go rent it from your local video shop. Tell them Leroy sent you and you will get a discount and a voucher for a Goldeneye Butt Plug available from the DLG Sex Shop.

This takes us nearly to the end of The Bond Breakfast but we still have a few more products we would like to dedicate to some great Bond characters.

Felix Lieter Margarine

Felix Lieter Margarine

Felix Lieter Margarine

Appearing in only a handful of Bond movies is the perfect candidate for an accompaniment for your toast. FELIX LIETER is dedicated to MARGARINE to add some healthyness to your breakfast.

We have chosen Jack Lord who was the first Felix along side Sean in Dr.No and also famed of Hawaii Five-0. Felix was a good agent and a big help to Bond in certain situations so we find it fitting to honor him as part of a healthy Bond Breakfast.

Other actors who have played Felix are not worth mentioning as they did not have a cool hair cut or a catchphrase like : "Book him Danno".

Felix Lieter Margarine can be spread thick or thin and straight from the cooler and only has 007% fat.

Miss Moneypenny Marmalade

Miss Moneypenny Marmalade

Miss Moneypenny Marmalade

We dedicate this next product to the faithful secretary MONEYPENNY who would spread her legs for Bond just as easily as spreading MARMALADE on your toast to accompany your Bond Breakfast. Miss Moneypenny was originally played by Lois Maxwell.

We have dug up some facts about Miss Moneypenny:

1/ Her name is Jane but who gives a fuck, Bond didn't so why should we.

2/ She holds the rank of Second Officer in the Women's Royal Naval Service.

3/ She has two tiddies with perfectly place nipples in the dead center.

4/ She invented the brazilian.

5/ She could perform a DVDA* and Deep Throat at the same time.

It would have been a great mistake to miss Moneypenny Marmalade off The Bond Breakfast. I hope you got that pun!

Note* DVDA Double Vaginal, Double Anal

Q Tea

Q Tea

Q Tea

James Bond is a British Secret Agent so it is appropriate to include a proper british drink. We have picked Bonds gadget man Q to take thr role of TEA and the most famous gadget man in the whole fucking world is non other than DESMOND LLEWELYN.

Q is the mastermind behind all of Bonds gadgets and the Q stands for Quartermaster who was head of Q Branch. He could design a gadget to get Bond out of any tight hole but why the fuck would Bond want to stop fucking tight ass's or young pussy. That would just be damn foolish!

In each box of Q Tea are tea bags capable of killing your enemy as some bags contain an untraceable amount of deadly poison. We forgot to mark the deadly bags. Sorry!

M Coffee

M Coffee

M Coffee

Fuck that limey shitty water they call tea and give me a tasty morning beverage. The last part of The Bond Breakfast is the most important drink in the morning, after Jack Daniel's that is.

We decided to give M the honor by dedicating COFFEE to the character and we went with the latest M and JUDI DENCH, not only to add some more women to the breakfast, as we suspect Judi as being a hermaphrodite, but just the smell of it will wake you up instantly, just like Judi.

M coffee only uses the finest columbian beans just like any of the DLG uses the finest columbian. Judi has been with Bond since 1995 so we feel she has earned the right to be included in the breakfast. The other plus she has is that she is still alive unlike the first M played by Bernard Lee.

Before any of you fuckers write in tellin' me I have forgotten the latest Bond, Daniel Craig, go fuck yourselves as he has not earned the right to be included at the table. The last Bond movie was a good action movie but not a Bond movie as we are used to as Daniel had no sneaky humor quips. Let's hope the next one is more like Bond as we are used to.

We hope you have enjoyed The Bond Breakfast and by now you are feeling hungry. If that is the case then why not order The Bond Breakfast online today from our online kitchen.

All ingredients are freshly cooked and will reach you in less than a week for an incredible price of $6.35 incl vat and p&p. For next day delivery add $2.25

Online Kitchen
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